Feeling like a Fifth Grader at Recess

 I woke up this morning and normally I see a message from my friend Corinne. It had been a couple of days and I felt kind of disappointed when I didn't see one.  Felt like the fifth grader standing alone at recess waiting for someone to play jump rope with me.

It is really silly that I felt that way.  My years of dealing with abusers, losers and users have made my mind wander about what someone is thinking.  Oh, no, they think I'm terrible!  They're done with me!  In many instances, maybe all, it was a good thing.

I did get my meme regarding Trump and David Pecker testifying. I had a good laugh and sent a short message.  I'm good.

I don't expect anyone to hold my hand and contact me everyday.  There are a lot of days that I don't feel like talking to anyone.  I'm tired and my eyes are blurred so typing little messages on my phone is a little rough. 

Corinne is not only married but has a disabled sister she has taken care of for years.  That woman should be branded a saint for how kind and sweet and loving she has been when it comes to her sister.  Not only that, she cared for her father for a long time until he died from Parkinson's.  

My mom had said that Corinne has been good for my mental health.  We exchange memes, we maybe have good book recommendations, share the occasional childhood story.  We don't message everyday.  In fact, I was surprised at how much she did message me.  I wasn't prepared for it.

My friend Cassie has checked out on me and I was just so depressed when she told me that she was moving to Door County.  She never invited me anywhere and I did more of the messaging with her.  It got worse when she left.  I'm like why was I depressed that someone invited me to coffee once a year?  We never went anywhere unless it involved me getting a surgery.

I know Cassie couldn't handle what was happening with my neighbor.  She lives in a bubble.  When we worked together, we had this really eccentric and kind of oddball manager.  I took the Jack Lemon route from Mr. Roberts and hid when I saw him coming in for the day.  Don't judge me.  It worked!  He had said to our group that we should all be lucky we have jobs and that we're going to have to work harder.  That affected Cassie to the point where she ran downstairs to our garage and sobbed.  She's always had a history of running from problems.  She was appalled that her employer expected her to come into the office a few days a week and was going to tell them that she was immunosuppressed.  She was not.  She moved and retired earlier than she planned on it because she couldn't take it.  As she mentioned from time to time, she had a husband that said she could.  Ok.  Cassie did not like Corinne when we worked together because Corinne yelled at her for throwing out her day old bread.  Cassie had cleaned our disgusting fridge at work and threw stuff out with an expiration date.  She never told people what she was doing but she never liked Corinne after that. Silly stuff.  I kind of get it because I find myself identifying with Ross from Friends when someone ate his sandwich.  I wouldn't need Phoebe's help in writing a mean note, I can do bad all by myself if someone touches my food! 

Corinne is more like me.  We have had a boatload of problems and we couldn't hide.  If I went to the garage and cried, I would have to cry harder because the monster downstairs has junk on his side.  The box spring that has been sitting on his side of the garage probably has mice in it.  Gross.  Corinne understood my situation because when she lived close by, she had a neighbor running a meth house.

Making friends is hard at any age.  I am very grateful for Corinne's friendship.  If she's my only friend, than I am very lucky.  And so happy when I get a meme!  The small things can mean a really big thing in my world.