Blues, Monsters, Books and Another Monday

 I'm not depressed.  Felt a little blue last night.  My mom normally talks to my cousin for a few hours.  My cousin lost her mom two days before I got my own bad news nine years ago.  Her brother checks in on her but my mom touches base every Sunday night and it's kind of a night for me to watch TV in my room and get my mind ready for Sunday.

I kind of wished I had someone to talk to or text.  Yes, I have Corinne but it's not a back and forth thing.  I get a message maybe around 10:30 at night and I'll respond in the morning when I wake up.  I was kind of wishing to talk to someone. I watched Bill Maher and wondered what was ahead of me for the next day.  Kind of dread when I take a day off.  It wasn't like I went to a fair.  

We got a small garbage can for my cat's litter.  Well I know some people flush the litter but I wouldn't trust the plumbing in this place.  So we put it in our garbage bag and I'd take it over few days.  It was heavy because my poor senior cat goes more.  Very fortunate it's in the box, but it's a lot and I had it explode on me one day outside of the monster's door on a Sunday.  In a panic, I ran upstairs to get my mom like the 5 year old that I felt upset that the monster would come outside and scream obscenities at me.  I had gotten most of it cleaned up and she helped vacuum the rest.  We finally found something on Amazon that we put by the garbage can and I take it out once a day.  The garbage now feels like a light weight.  I noticed last night that there was some spillage and I wasn't sure if it was me or my mom who missed the can.  No big deal, but I thought of my mom's sight.  

It was a reminder that she has some issues with seeing and I don't know why it made me teary eyed thinking about it when I cleaned the litter. Yeah. I cried over spilt litter.  Who knew?  It wasn't about the litter but I feel bad that someone who loves to read so much has a cataract in one eye and macular degeneration in the other eye.  I'm going to say this - IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR.

Our whole family loves to read.  We are readers.  My mom used to go to the library all the time and she can't anymore. She took over my Kindle and I signed her up for Kindle Unlimited.  She thinks it's free.  It is.  She doesn't need to know.  Reading has always been our escape.  

I started with Audible about 2 or 3 years ago and I love it.  I cancel my subscription every few months and then get it on one of their 99 cent deals.  I am listening to Laura Coates book and I did start Kara Swisher's book.  How did I live all this time and not know about the fantastic Kara Swisher?  She's awesome. 

My eye doctor pointed something out with my left eye that looked off that points to signs of macular degeneration.  That's what prompted me to use Audible more.  I give my eyes a break.  I found out that Jen Psaki has a book coming out and I sent the link over to Corinne who's excited.  We love our books.  I love to learn and understand more.  Not fair that my mom's vision is being affected.  

I also know there's not enough light in our house.  We might have to get a permission slip from the Monster downstairs.  He can suck rocks and burn.

We are now having weekly meetings within our group.  My manager called out our group about help with the offices I work with.  It's a big volume and if I got told to help someone that had a lot, I have and would still shift gears.  I felt like this was my fault without them saying it was my fault.  The monster in the group was more subdued than usual while her friend made excuses.  I have zero expectations with people helping me.  The person that they pulled for a project is the most freaking awesome person when it comes to working on things.  I will be glad when she returns.

But Monday is done.  Maybe it's indifference feeling.  I cancelled Sling TV to save money and it kills me because I do love CNN but I can get CNN Max and watch yesterday's or last night's news shows from MSNBC except Rachel Maddow.  That sucks.  I miss Rachel.  I'm so puzzled by the protests.  October 7th was horrible.  People starving in Gaza is horrible.  I'm trying so hard to understand and I would not want to go to school with these protests going on if I were of the Jewish faith.  I wouldn't want to go to school because that's too many people in my way.  Makes me feel like this is a "trendy" thing.  Bill Maher did a good segment on where people could put their energy on fighting for rights in this world like Boko Haram.  

I put Tik Tok on my phone for amusement the other day and there's all these videos of young people making fun of Gen X and Gen X responds in kind.  Or with an F Off.  I didn't drink out of a water hose but I did carry my house key on my Holly Hobbie keychain so I could go home at lunch and eat the sandwich my mom made me while I watched reruns of The Jeffersons before I had go back to school.

We were a good generation.  At least we don't puff out our lips and take selfies.