I'll Talk to you when I feel like it

 There usually was a standard set with me for the few relationships I had.  I am a busy person and I probably won't have much time for you.

Sounds like my biological dad, but ok.  I never had any expectations of any friendships or relationships.  I was happy when I heard from someone.  

My friend that has kind of drifted away from me didn't respond to my messages for awhile and I accepted that. I didn't get mad or anything.  She has kids, a husband. My dopey messages should be nobody's priority.  As I get older, I understand even more that people are busy.  I'm not, but I'm boring.  Sometimes I'm tired so I'm ok if I don't hear from someone on a Monday night. I want to watch Anderson Cooper.  Yeah, I am boring.

It wasn't until Corinne and I started talking that I realized, if people wanted to be in my life, they would make time for me.  I didn't hear from Corinne yesterday and I didn't think OH SHE HATES ME!  Corinne has a husband and she has taken care of a disabled sister for years.  We write short messages, maybe send a funny meme about Trump or Matt Gaetz.  She makes time and it's really so kind of a strange wonderful for me that I don't know if I have experienced that before with a friendship and definitely a relationship.  Corinne has been the one bright spot in my life this last year.  I wished she lived closer but I'm so thankful to have her in my life.

A lot of my friends got married after college and I didn't.  It makes it hard.  And it gets harder.  And it's like how do you meet people?  It's just really horrible.  It's like nobody wants me around.

And when they do, they set the guidelines.  And I accepted them.  I had a friend for awhile that would maybe do something socially with me once a year.  When I got the job that I am at now, I think she was kind of envious of me.  She felt like she was more educated and more qualified.  Kind of insulting I know.  When I did start my relationship or whatever that was with Harold, I didn't email her as much.  I'm not sure why, but I got an email that said I never hear from you.  I did more of the emailing than she did and that annoyed me.  I said you can always email me.  I'm still here.  I never heard from her again.

I do have one expectation if someone wants to be a friend or be in a relationship.  Be considerate of my feelings and realize that I know that people have other things in their lives, like children or a spouse (hopefully that's not the case for me if I ever meet anyone, that would be bad) but anyway, I don't sit by the phone and stare at it.  And if I do, it's because I'm playing a video game. 

I'm actually a fun person.  I shouldn't have to stand at the top of the hill by Lake Michigan on Saturdays and yell, I deserve respect!  I haven't yet, but some weeks I have been tempted.

Respect works both way with any friendship or relationship.