My Least Favorite Mistake - The Hippie from San Diego - Part I

 This mistake would be the Godfather trilogy.  It spanned over a decade.  It should have ended after my first meeting with the long haired hippie from San Diego.  

It wasn't easy meeting people for me.  My twenties were just lonely. I didn't get out and most of my friends were married and well had moved on from me.  My life was mostly work and going home.  I wasn't someone that wanted to meet someone in a bar.  Well over 20 years ago, maybe almost 25, I tried to meet guys online.  None of them were local and there was a reason.

Part of me wanted to leave Milwaukee.  Other than my parents, I didn't feel like there was anything for me at times.  I thought maybe a change of scenery would have helped my life.  I had traveled a bit and was open to meeting someone from a different city.  Oh, can you say big fool, because I can. 

At the time, my step-dad had been gone for 5 years and my mom was living in northern Wisconsin with my grandmother. I had just gotten the job that I'm at now and I was happy that I had some sort of stability.   I was turning 34 in a few months and I really felt like I needed something to happen.  I had wished for it.

Back in the dinosaur age, long before Tinder and all these ridiculous apps like Bumble, America Online had a message board where you could meet pen pals as friends.  I thought if I could strike up a friendship first, maybe it would be something with a possibility.  I had done it a few times before and it went nowhere.  I didn't hear from the person again or in the case of the guy from Scotland, I told him to grow up and used many expletives in an email after he made fun of me for not being married.  I might be banned in Scotland.  I'm not sure.

I met him.  We'll call him Harold.  He looks like a Harold now.  Most of the emails I got were just gross and very perverted but not Harold. He was kind of serious and one of the things I mentioned in my pen pal ad is that I had an interest in politics.  I should have specified liberal but he was too so that was ok.  I wasn't quite sure if this was someone that was the same like me.  He was working at a telemarketing firm and that wasn't a bad thing.  He was working.  He had played in a rock band for most of his twenties and very much into music that I wasn't into but I still found his background interesting.  He was a little lost in life like me and I think that was the big draw.  We also loved sitcoms from the 1970s.  We also disliked George W. Bush.  We had similar likes and we sent each other pictures after a couple of months.  He had long hair, beard and mustache.  To be honest, I made fun of guys like him 10 years earlier in college.  Oh look at the hippie with his poetry.  Go bang a bongo, Ethan and do your beat poetry, weirdo!  I'd like to think I had evolved from that stereotype. I didn't realize he was that stereotype.

I had been to San Diego in 1995 and 2000.  I was somewhat familiar with the city so when we talked about me traveling, I thought at least I knew where to go if he turned out to be a creep.  

We met in late summer.  He picked me up from the airport and he took me to the hotel where I was staying.  He was kind of shy and sweet.  He had a hard time talking so I tried to get the conversation going by asking if he wanted to get a pizza.  He offered to pay for it and he came up a dollar short and started crying.  That should have been my first sign.  I'm not that type that demands any man for his paycheck, I got my money, so I offered to pay for the rest and tip the delivery person.  I thought no reason to cry over pizza.  He was upset because he thought he wasn't manly enough to buy a pizza.  Are you seeing a red flag?  I didn't see any at the moment.

We had the night where we stayed up all night and talked.  It was wonderful.  We maybe slept for 2 hours and got up to go grab some breakfast.  He had moved back in with his parents temporarily and needed to go back home because he had to work that night at the firm he worked at.  I understood and took the day to do some sight seeing and shopping.  And getting some sleep.  When I came back from my sight seeing I had a voice mail.  He told me that he would call later and he left me the sweetest voice mail that he would call later and that he loved me.

He loved me?  I thought is this my person?  Is he my partner in crime?  Did I have to travel far to find him?  I was overwhelmed and thrilled. It was like something out of a movie.  I was on Cloud 9.

Life isn't like movies.  There were going to be problems.  Lots of lying.  That would be him.  Lots of tears.  That would be me.  

For now, we were in our love bubble.  We spent our last day touring Balboa Park and looking at the museums and galleries.  It was a beautiful day and it was a really good day.  I just felt complete.  We walked home, his arm around me and I was happy.  I wasn't lonely anymore. I had someone.  He was here and it was worth the wait.

It was tearful when I had to go back home but we talked about him coming to Milwaukee in the future.  I knew I wanted to get back to San Diego soon, but we had emails, maybe a phone call.

There were a few things that did bother me when I was in my love bubble that you think, let it go, but then you look back and say, Was that ok?

Harold was working part time.  He had talked about having a good job when 9/11 hit and they all lost their jobs where he was at.  Did I know where this place was?  No.  He seemed kind of unsure about what he was going to do for work. 

When I shopped at some stores, I got this delicious chocolate that I bought for us. I thought it would be great to share it.  When I showed him what he was, he took a bite out of it and said thank you for buying this for me and ate it in front of me.  I thought maybe I should have specified.  Maybe I'm being a bitch thinking about it.

When we waited for my plane, we sat at the food court and I said we should get McDonald's for breakfast, I said I'll pay.  I pulled out a $20 and he kissed me and said thank you, that's so kind of you.  I didn't get change.  Hashbrowns don't cost that much.  At the time, I thought maybe I should have specified.

We said our tearful goodbyes and I headed back to my everyday world of Milwaukee, missing him.  Kind of missing the change from that $20 bill, too.

We went back and forth with communicating throughout the year.  He worked as a scab when Vons went on strike, hoping he could get a break with money.  I had hoped that it would lead to something in the future. He took a job at a print pressing place and moved out of his parents home.  He never made it to Milwaukee but I made it back the following year. 

The love bubble started showing punctures.  I was glad to see him and he took me out for a nice lunch with an ocean view.  We caught up with what was going on with life and were glad to be back together for a few days.  He wanted to see Farenheit 911 with Michael Moore and I was totally fine with it. I saw it back in Milwaukee but I wanted to see it with him again.  We went to a beautiful outdoor mall, waiting for the movie times and he started talking about young people and how they're ruining the world and started crying.  He worried about the future and I was a little bothered by his state of mind.  We saw the movie and it was a little cold when we walked out.  He went off on a rant about the government and how this was just a conspiracy. I was freezing and wanted to be back at my hotel.  He never even asked me how I was doing while I shivered.

The next day, we saw a movie with Denzel Washington and when we headed back to the hotel, he talked about how much I spent on him last year and that we should be equal.

Wait.  He was keeping tabs on what I spent?  I felt like he had to do all these things, like take me to lunch and to the movies and that we were justified.  He gave me a lecture about how my hotel was far away where he lived and he may not be able to get to see me that much.

The vacation sucked after that. I did wind up doing a couple of city tours and going for walks, but I felt like he wasn't interested anymore.  The last night he came over and we had dinner.  I said I'm not coming back if you don't come to Milwaukee.  He didn't understand that.  

Well that wouldn't happen because I came back in late 2005.  In the meantime, he would do a disappearing act and worry me.  I wouldn't get an idea of what was wrong with him until the third trip.  We had talked about our ups and downs with depression and he worried me that he was going to do something bad.

Little did I realize the only one damaged by him would be me.  

Stay tuned.  Count the red flags in Part II.