Peace Out

 I had to get a prescription today and I took a walk at lunch.  Hot day and I cut through the park that lead to the grocery store when I pick up my meds or other groceries.  It's only 6 blocks.  I happened to see a young girl dressed in a bikini top and sarong positioning herself on a park bench.  She seemed to be looking towards me and sneering as I walked past.

I realize I may not have the physique to wear a bright sarong and bikini top in the middle of a park where really, nobody cares but I have something she will never have and that's good manners.  Yes.  I'm middle aged.  Yes.  I was wearing my knit shorts, sustainable sneakers and a sleeveless shirt from Kohls that highlighted my chubby physique.  I am also comfortable and ok with who I am.  Yes, I would like to be a lower weight.  I would like not to feel awkward when summer is here with trying to find something to fit.  Easy to hide behind sweaters in winter.  Not so easy in summer.  

I am so tired of catty women.  I sometimes wish I had more friends but when I did, I got insulted behind my back instead of encouraged to be a better version of myself.  There were cliques at the office and I don't miss it.  I don't miss office gossip.  I sometimes miss talking to a co worker or two, but I'm good.  It's like just when I think I can trust someone, they wind up stabbing me in the back.  I miss my friend that moved, but she still messages me once or twice a week.  We joke about stuff at our jobs or with our pets.  Or how stupid people can be.  

I am ok with not being part of the cool girl gang clique.  I will never be hanging out with wine time or judge someone on how they live their life.  I do wish there was someone I could meet up for coffee or to go for a walk but I like my peace if it means I don't have to be around another catty woman.  

I want peace.  

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