Mother's Day

 Mother's Day kind of snuck up on me this year.  My mom's birthday is close so I was focused on getting on that day and almost forgot Mother's Day was this Sunday. 

I have to turn off social media on Mother's Day. I should do it more on any given day to be honest because let's face it, social media makes most of us feel bad.

I wasn't fixated on motherhood like a lot of young girls I knew growing up. I wanted to be a journalist like Murphy Brown when I was in college and travel the world.   I didn't do that, but still, I thought it was kind of important to do things before family came into the picture.

Motherhood was never out of my picture. I just thought it shouldn't be rushed.  Sad part is that you're given a window of time before it gets complicated.

I did have a baby growing up with me when I was in college.  I had a crib in my room.  My mom baby sat for my niece while my mom worked.  I went to school two days a week basically 8 to 12 hour days but on the off days, I got to be with my niece and I loved it. I had a lot of fun with her.  She was an amazing little girl and has grown up to be an amazing adult and now mom herself to an adorable 2 year old.  I think my boyfriend dumped me because he thought I was fixated on having babies.  No, I loved my niece. I knew what I wanted.  I was relieved when she would go home with my sister on days I needed to study and she wanted to play or watch cartoons with me.  I don't know what it's like to be a mother but I got a small glimpse that it's not easy.  It's stressful and chaotic.  It's not glamorous.  

I have spent a good part of my life dodging insults about not having children and it's hurtful.  I heard you'd be one of those late in life mothers.  No, no late in life. Just not a mother.  You know, it's a lot harder when you have a family.  I never criticized anyone who having a family, so when am I hearing a lecture about what it's like to have a family?  You lucky person. Good for you on making a choice not to have children.  Um, I didn't make that choice.  I didn't meet anyone that would make a good partner and good father during that window of time when it was right for me to have children.  Please quit talking people.  You don't get it.  You just don't get what it's like for someone like me in my position.

When I have wished out loud that I had the opportunity, I got criticized that kids aren't everything.  Sigh.  No.  Kids aren't everything.  Single life isn't everything either.  Shut up married people with kids.

I didn't go out like Samantha from Sex and the City.  Most of my friends got married after college or even after high school and I was kind of left on my own.  My college boyfriend dumped me for a rich girl which was fine by me because he wanted to quit college.

I took trips to California on my own.  I went to San Diego twice and Los Angels and San Francisco once. I knew when I went to San Francisco at 28, I was kind of tired of doing this by myself. I started to feel like I wanted to be part of something.

I've always tried to be accommodating to people with kids. I had one of those ridiculous candle parties that someone talked me into and I was fine with her bringing her son.  He was better company than she was.  When it came to planning the second party, someone told a friend, I can't do it.  I have kids.  Doesn't she get that people have kids?  Um, if she would have talked to me, I could have worked something out but let's go for the jugular and take a cheap shot at me.  I covered for a woman for 2 years who took off maybe 70 days due to being sick, dealing with kids.  I was afraid to say anything because I knew where the conversation would go, she has kids.  You don't get it.  Yes!  I get it!  When I see other women showing up with kids, I kind of wonder if maybe this is fair.  Luckily, it was understood when I spoke up.  Of course, I could hear that person going on that nobody likes her and that's why she doesn't have a husband or kids.  Sigh.  Here we go again with the cheap shots.

It was ok that I felt that way, but then there's a part that feels anxious and feels like life is starting to slip by and you make bad choices.  Yeah, I made a bad choice.  At least that bad choice is gone and it was a painful lesson for me.  

I swear to god if I hear one more person tell me but you're a cat mom, I'm going to scream. I'm ok that I'm not a mom, especially after the health problems I've had over the last 7 years.  There's just some things I would never want to pass onto a child.  I think the world is a tough place and I don't know if I would be capable enough to protect a child from what's going on, especially today.

So be kind to those that aren't mothers.  They may not have made that choice and secretly wish that their lives would have been different. They may be fine and happy with their lives, but some days may be a little painful.  Do not judge, do not comment on anyone not having kids.  You don't know their story.  You don't know their pain.  You just don't know.  Be nice.