The Invisible Woman Chronicles

I got my test results back last night.  I'm normal.  That sounds not right for me, but I figured it would be.   Corinne thought it could be something to do with stress and cortisol.  My whole life is a big stress bucket.  Is there a pill to fix that?  I was starting to lose and then the whole debacle with the house selling threw me off and it's been a bigger uphill battle ever since. I got one more appointment at the end of the month and that subject will be brought up.  I know it.  I understand it.  I wish it would be understood that I'm not sitting at home eating buckets of candy out of a Halloween pail.  Maybe in my 20's.  That's the part that frustrates me is that nobody seems to see how hard I'm trying and do I like being this weight?  F NO.  I rarely eat any fast food.  I think it's been a few months since I had a couple of chicken tacos .  I did eat more when I worked in the office but it's been prett...

 Sigh 

My appointment went ok.  It was mentioned to me that those that had gone off the cancer medication I had and lost weight.  Here I am with another year of gaining.  It wasn't presented negatively but a test was ordered for more bloodwork.  I don't think it's anything.  I think I'm just in an uphill battle to lose weight.  I feel so ashamed about this. I couldn't stop crying on the drive home. I did the bloodwork after my appointment and I took the stairs.  I just walked through the parking garage, tearful and frustrated about everything.  Life isn't just hard.  It just keeps getting super hard. Nobody has any idea of how bad I feel to even be out in public.  I feel like a failure.  And yay, I can go do this again when I see my other doctor.   I just feel like nothing works when it comes to me.  

 On the plus side, my mom got her social security check and I got paid yesterday.  There was a sense of relief after 9:30 yesterday morning when I got my alert.  I got my alert this morning that my next big payment toward my debt just went through.  Relief, but not when I look at my checking account.  Sigh.  It'll be ok.   My mom got a call from my cousin late morning.  She got a letter about her heat assistance being significantly reduced. I thought it was about the bill that went through in the Senate.  Her dog is also dying.  She won't eat and that's what happened when she lost her last dog.  Her dog is maybe 14 years old?  I know she's only had her 4 years.  Her brother got her the dog and damn it.  I'm so sorry that's happening.  Life is hard enough but when you got to deal with losing your comfort friend, that's horrible.   The bill.  Where do I begin?  My mom is worried about her m...

 This morning, my mom is in a panic because her social security check hasn't been deposited.  It should have shown up yesterday and I think it will today.  Our rent is due today.  So today, she will be lamenting about it while I work.  I told her I will move some money around until we get it sorted out if it doesn't show up this afternoon or by 5.   This is the type of stuff that's part of my daily worries.  When I would go into the office, I would hear about someone feeling depressed because they turned 40 and want to buy a convertible.  Go away! To those who have assistants in their lives, here are a few tips on how to maintain a good working relationship ~ Think twice before you unload on your problems.  If you talk about your daughter being mad because she couldn't have filet mignon last night to your assistant, your assistant may think you're an asshole.  Why?  Because they don't know what filet mignon is and they treated ...

Well I dread to see what awaits me.  I have a feeling I got a message from the diva with a put down.  Not today. I heard from Corinne last night.  I know her and her husband are busy with the farm. I don't think they've travelled much this summer.  I saw pictures with them and the dogs and the new addition.  I'm glad that they're enjoying the retired life.   It seems that Charlie had an in office day.  He's already gone and I think Jeremy leaves later in the morning.  I kind of wanted to go out and bring the kitty litter in that was sitting in the trunk of my car but I feel like I would have interrupted the work that Charlie was doing.  He would have been ok with it and apologetic and that would have made me feel bad.  I was hoping that I could talk to Charlie more because when he talks he's really interesting but I think he's just shy and awkward.  I can relate.  He doesn't have to worry with me. I'll say it again. I wish...