The Big Beautiful Nightmare

 On the plus side, my mom got her social security check and I got paid yesterday.  There was a sense of relief after 9:30 yesterday morning when I got my alert.  I got my alert this morning that my next big payment toward my debt just went through.  Relief, but not when I look at my checking account.  Sigh.  It'll be ok.  

My mom got a call from my cousin late morning.  She got a letter about her heat assistance being significantly reduced. I thought it was about the bill that went through in the Senate.  Her dog is also dying.  She won't eat and that's what happened when she lost her last dog.  Her dog is maybe 14 years old?  I know she's only had her 4 years.  Her brother got her the dog and damn it.  I'm so sorry that's happening.  Life is hard enough but when you got to deal with losing your comfort friend, that's horrible.  

The bill.  Where do I begin?  My mom is worried about her medical not being covered monthly and that would add another $170 to what I have to come up with and then losing her Snap benefits.  I said we'll make due.  We always do.  She hated it that it might add more pressure to me.  Everything feels like pressure for me.  

I worry that I could wind up needing a test or something else after my appointment today.  That's how my mind set works.  I think it'll be ok but I'm paying $73 a month until next year or when I get my taxes for that ultrasound from early April.  I may burst out in tears if I get asked about doing an MRI.  I can't take it anymore. I can't even find my last damn tube of try-a-whatever you want to call it for my eczema.  It's just so much.

The alligator prison.  Well no surprise that humanity is a joke at the moment.  Yes, I'm bothered by how people are being snatched off the street.  I'm worried about my landlord downstairs being taken because he's not from this country and I'm sure he is a legalized citizen.  I'm worried about Corinne's husband who took years to get to come to this country.  I'm just worried about all of us.  This is so horrible.

I ran into Charlie before I went on my walk. I didn't realize what time it was and I commented that he was home early.  He looked at his watch and said he didn't think so.  Damn.  I probably look like a nosy old lady.  For starters, I didn't realize it was 5.  I did notice he was home around 6 a couple of times last week and maybe around 8 on Monday. I didn't mean to come across like I was peeking out the window.  His car is the one that's on the street so I see roughly around what time he may have come home.  I think it's ok, but I think I lived with a criminal for too long that I know too much.  Damn damn damn.  Sorry Charlie.  I asked him if he was going to be planting in the yard and he said he didn't know unless Jeremy wanted him to.  I laughed and said So stay tuned, hey?  Hopefully he doesn't think I'm a nosy old lady.  Well I am in some respect.  Unfortunately I was around too many liars and criminals that it made me super vigilant, I guess.  I hate that I said anything about when he came home.  That bothered me on my walk.  Mind my own damn business, I guess.  Ugh.  Sorry!

I feel very weary from some of the work that I've been working on.  I don't really get the support that I should and it wears on me.  I'm glad that I have the rest of the week off.  Granted this afternoon will suck for a little bit but hopefully I'm good for another year. "fingers crossed"

I'm so overwhelmed right now.  I think I may stop at Boswell Books to buy the book that I wanted.  I can support a small business owner this afternoon.  Treat myself.  I think I really earned it lately.

I hope the good humans have a good day.