Monday Surprises

 I had a day off on Friday so let's see what surprises I have this morning.  I'd rather not.  Somehow I anticipate the diva doing something that will irritate me.  That relationship still stings.  Some would say it's an All About Eve kind of thing.  Well maybe.  I never was a star but she definitely wants to be one by stepping on others.  

I am hoping my mom is doing better today. I hate it when she goes down misery lane but I know that's her struggles.  My grandmother was not a nice person.  My mom had told me as a kid that my grandmother was needling me to the point of tears where my step dad intervened and told her that was enough.  She wasn't a warm and fuzzy person.  I knew she thought little of me so that's why I didn't come around.  Why get insulted all the time?  I got tired of the passive aggressive comments growing up.  Blowing up at us as kids affected me.  It just really opened my eyes and didn't really make me want to be around her.

We had stayed with her and my step-grandpa for two weeks.  My step dad had hernia surgery and my mom happened to have a biopsy.  My mom said we could have come home earlier but my grandparents insisted we stay two weeks.  I was 11 and kids do what they do best.  Act like idiots.  We went to the flea markets with them because they sold stuff and traveled in their trailer. I hated those trips.  I was homesick enough.  We spent time with our cousins.

It was our last night where my grandmother laid into us. We were just clowning around and she started yelling at us that we were two of the biggest brats.  I don't think my sister was too affected by it but it horrified me.  I got it the worst.  She said that my step-dad spoiled me and that my step-grandfather thought he acted like an old german woman.  He was Ukrainian.  Get that straight, people.  Anyway, she let it be known that we were terrible spoiled brat kids.  I didn't say much of anything.  I was thankful to be going home the next day.  

When it came to the point of us staying home or going, I stayed home.  Someone always had something mean to say and I got why my mom hated going.  If you can't act nice towards others, why should anyone be around you?  If I don't have to be, I won't.  Life is too short to play pretend games. I had to go other times and it was always, well, maybe we'll see you in another 10 years.

Last time I saw my grandmother it was to pick my mom up.  Her and my aunt ganged up on her at Thanksgiving and called her lazy.  She had a broken ankle.  She broke her ankle on steps that my uncle had fixed for my grandmother.  When she called me and said she's coming home, I said ok.  She said I can stay overnight and I said that's not happening.  We had Tia at the time and she was an older cat. I wasn't going to stay overnight and get yelled at by my grandmother and loony aunt.

My grandmother was nice when I came and started hauling stuff out to my car.  We had lunch and we did the dishes and said our goodbyes.  I was apprehensive around my grandmother because she always said something smart to me and it was usually about my weight.  I think she knew she went too far with my mom and was a little more subdued.

I loved my grandmother.  I wish I had a better relationship with her but nothing I ever did was good enough and I dealt with the after effects of how she treated my mom. I know my mom will lash out at me sometimes and then I find out later she was brooding about my grandmother so no, that doesn't make me feel great but I get it.  It doesn't make me happy with my grandmother or my aunt.  My aunt is a whole different blog post.

I wish I had the family that was supportive and kinder.  It was always you're not good enough.  Kind of the theme of my life.

Oh well.  Such is life.  I hope mom is doing better today.  

Time to start my Monday.

I hope the good humans have a good day.