It's Really Ok

Looks like I'll be taking a leisurely walk to Dollar Tree this morning.  I know my mom is panicked about Charlie coming to check the smoke alarms and the toilet to see what tools he needs to fix it.  It happens every time a landlord wants to come over.  I know she felt panicked about me leaving in the morning and I said I would take a walk. I don't need to go for a drive and there seems to be a dry spell of opportunity for ShopKicking on the app.  Must be a summer lull.  

She wants to go to JC Penneys and buy me a couple of shirts.  I wish she would let this go. I know she's being nice, but it wasn't a big deal what happened yesterday.  I don't want her to spend her money.  I also hate Southridge.  Have I mentioned that yet?

Yesterday, I got a shirt from Amazon that was too small.  It was the wrong size for starters and I don't know if I accidentally didn't check the right size or if Amazon made a mistake.  It was just a green sleeveless polo.  I'm not a big fan of sleeveless because well, I feel self conscious about everything these days when it comes to my body, but I like the look of this shirt.  I had redeemed $10 off of one of my phone apps with Prime Days I got it for maybe $6.  I'll get my money back and the gift card but I won't get the price.  She commented on the fabric not being stretchy which makes me feel even fatter and I said if I had the right size, it might be a little loose.  Sigh. 

She asked me if I would try these shirts on that she got from Kohls to see if the sizing would work.  Oh my god, let it go.  Kohl's is kind of funny with sizes.  I used to be able to shop there more but they discontinued some of the brands that I really liked and it can be a hit and miss with sizes.  It was a miss for me with sizing and I told her that.  I really just wanted her to drop it. I figured I would return the shirt and maybe try with this print that I liked instead.  It wasn't even on sale during Prime Days but I still got my $10.

I know she's trying to be helpful but I think I'm feel like the loser fat kid who feels sad.  Ok, that sounds a little correct for me.  I said that I wanted to find shirts that didn't say I give up.  I got a lot of tees once I stayed at home permanently and I am feeling a little too slovenly.  

I also know that she might be feeling bad about something that happened when we grocery shopped.  I do all the checking out and we're dealing with ebt cards, or credit cards or my ShopKick rewards.  It can get overwhelming doing a cashier's job and trying to scan items. I had trouble with the bananas and a message that popped up said an associate will be on their way.  Well there was someone who was at the next register. I thought they would automatically come to me but she turned and started to walk away and my mom said Say something. I did. I don't know why I didn't.  My mom said why didn't you say anything after she left.  I didn't know why.  I said because I'm socially awkward?  I think my mom felt bad for saying anything and it was kind of quiet between us.  I felt overwhelmed at the time.  I just wanted to go home.  I wasn't mad.  I just didn't know why I didn't say anything.

I told her later when I'm at Target or Pick n' Save the people helping usually know that there's another register that needs help because they get alerts and I just assumed she would automatically know that we needed help.  It's not a big deal.

I wish the cashiers wouldn't be so bitchy about using the Shopkick cards.  That's part of the reason why we do the do it yourself check out.  My mom will maybe want to use her credit card for a couple of items she can't use with an Ebt card so it's easier to use the do it yourself check out.

I just get overwhelmed and I'm not upset that I got asked.  I just don't know what I'm doing somedays and I froze.  She shouldn't feel obligated to buy me a shirt.  I'm good.  

And I'd rather focus on losing weight than shopping for new clothes.  I would like my clothes to feel a lot looser.

I am going to search for some birthday wrapping paper for Charlotte. I have hearts wrapping paper that I've used the last two years. I thought maybe mix it up with some Mickey Mouse.

I just want the day to be uncomplicated.  

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