Finding Joy

 Almost every weekend I drive my leased car that I've had for 2 years that just passed 7000 miles over to the east side and park.  I get out and go for a walk.  I came across the neighborhood with so many doctor appointments in 2019, that I started coming to this neighborhood in particular and walk around the neighborhoods and the big hill that leads me to Lake Michigan while I listen to a podcast or Audible.

I will walk in my neighborhood during lunch and used to walk as far as the Target in my area some weekends.  With the pandemic, I was uncertain about it being safe and when I did walk with a mask, I could hear someone yelling at me.  I pointed at my ear buds that to be polite but that didn't stop them from telling me their opinion.  If I'm not bothering you, why are you bothering me?  My mom told someone to mind their own business when it happened to her.  She felt bad that the person apologized.  There were so many unknowns at that time.

I spent a lot of time at the Starbucks near the hospital. I don't drink coffee. I kept getting gift cards from people at work.  I like their sweet drinks that I should avoid.  There had been times when I'd get bad news and it was nice to walk around the neighborhood, let the tears flow and maybe console myself with a Strawberry Acai drink.  I don't know what it was that prompted me to start walking in that area.  It seemed like people respect your space and would walk in the street if they passed you or I did the same.  As time went on and people got shots, it still felt safe.

There was nothing nicer on a Saturday morning to stand at the top of the hill by Lake Michigan and see it on a brisk winter morning or a nice fall day.  It was kind of like I could take a breath.  I love being at home but it is my work place and a place that can make me feel like the four walls are closing in.

I guess it's my hideaway to think and dream.  I'm only gone for a couple of hours in the morning, weather permitting.  I'll never walk that hill in 90 degrees or with a minus wind chill factor.  I started getting books on tape to give my tired eyes a break and I love it.

There was a time that travel seemed like a possibility but I know I'm not going anywhere.  It's ok.  After seeing how awful people act on planes, who wants to travel?  I felt sad sitting in meetings hearing people talk about their trips and I thought all I'm going is for my bloodwork.  Someone I worked with sent me texts on where I could get my first shot and skip the line.  I didn't realize I was high risk until a doctor told me but I still felt guilty about not waiting my turn.  I thought it was thoughtful this person was trying to find me a shot until I realized she got hers.  She was planning a couple of trips - one with the family and one with the girls.  Maybe she wanted to help me, but it felt like a person who was guilty of skipping the line.  

So I found my happy place.  It's a time where I can breathe, relax and just forget for a few hours.  When I'm done I can maybe get a Starbucks or my 40% off at CVS.  I get to say strangers with their dogs and maybe even get to pet their furry friends.  I even saw a cat walking with a couple of dogs.  Wish I could get my cat to do that.

It doesn't matter if I can travel far, it just matters I can find a place that makes me happy for just a couple of hours each weekend.  It may not seem like a lot but it's the little things that can get me through this tough time.